oh the places i'll go.

you know “those” days.

so today i felt like everyone around me was falling in love, getting married, and holding hands. made me feel some what invisible. i have always been the last person to have a relationship, heck when we get right down to it i’ve only ever been able to call one person my “boyfriend.” kinda embarrassing for me to type that to be honest. i don’t know if i put off the wrong vibes, or will forever be friend zoned instantly by my male counter parts. i sometimes feel as if it is hopeless, my friends tell me i’m silly when i jokingly mention, that no one likes me and i will be a lone spinster for the rest of my life. to bad i’m not fully joking, that’s how it feels most days. love is looking everywhere but at me.

growing up in a christian household and going to church most of my life i have often heard the passage from the bible, “do not arose or awaken love until it so desires.” what if it never desires to? what do i do then.

my friends would question why i would write something so personal and post it to such a public forum for view. well tumblr feels like a journal and scrapbook to document your likes, dislikes, and how you viewed the world at one point in life. a place where you can post personal thoughts and others can relate. to know that i’m not alone in feeling as if i’m on dry land when others are swimming through the vast ocean of relationships, dating, and love.

just some thoughts running through my mind lately. 

ugghhh.

i control my emotions, they don’t control me. i need to get this tattooed across my eyelids.

very exciting week ahead of me. work, bridal trials, a wedding, and a tattoo on friday. i’m sooo excited! have my appointment set. i know exactly what i want and i can’t be more thrilled. i am nervous, it will be on underside of upper arm. nice and tender. i will post a photo as soon as it is complete!!! eeee. hurry up friday.