i can’t believe its been a year.
a year ago today at around 5pm i was getting ready to go out for new years. i was at my friend sammy’s house she was curling my hair and we were drinking wine (which i surprisingly liked.) everything was normal, we had tickets to this new orleans themed new years eve party at a local night club. i was excited about this party due to the fact they were having a midnight balloon drop. well i had just finished my makeup when i received a phone call from my grandma saying my mom had just passed, a rush of emotions came over me. i was trying to hold it together, i wasn’t exactly sure how to respond. my grandma gave me all the details, and i told her i needed to go, i couldn’t listen any longer. i hung up the phone and grabbed this setting spray that makes makeup waterproof, sprayed my face and then explained to my friend who had been patiently waiting for an explanation of the call. i remember really trying to keep myself composed for some reason, she let me know that i didn’t have to go the party that night. but for some reason i had to. we finished getting ready and i had to drive home, my friend trevor was waiting at my house for me to trim up his hair before going out. as soon as i walked in the front door of my house they all knew, he was soo sweet and told me that i didn’t have to cut his hair. that he understood if i didn’t want to, i didn’t want to be babied or treated any differently. i just needed one moment to myself, after about 5 mins i walked back into a room full of my roommates and friends whose faces looked sadder than mine. i finished up his haircut and we were off to go pregame before the party. i had been told by my best friends mom that the night my mom passed i was not allowed to drink, but on the drive over to our friends house i felt so sad and as if i was making everyone else unhappy, so at the moment drinking was the only thing that seemed like a good idea. i had a lot before even getting down town. my friend peter even texted me in line at the club letting me know i was so drunk, even though i thought he was wrong. well lets just fast forward a bit. i had A LOT more drinks, and became extremely intoxicated, but was having fun. then the new years count down began and i was still doing pretty good, until i heard, 3…2…1…happy new year. i lost it, it dawned on me that i was going into the new year and my mom wasn’t. i started to ball my eyes out but didn’t want to be in the middle of dance floor crying, so i ran out the back door. found a curb and wept, alone. i would explain the rest of the night from here, but it gets bad. sooo bad, i saw some painful things, and yelled and acted like a fool that night. i became “that girl,” you know the one you see at the end of the night super drunk yelling really mean things at a guy while they’re walking in the other direction. yeah i was her. apparently though when we speak of that night i got the get out of jail free card. its a year later exactly from literally the worst night of my life. my mom passed away, i swear i had alcohol poising, i had ruined a friendship with one of my best guy friends. (don’t worry a year later and we are finally back to normal.) its been a long road, and i know i haven’t always been myself. to say i’m a completely different person would be an understatement. i’m trying to find my way back to happy go lucky me, and i’m finally only yesterday finding her again. lets make 2012 the best year of our lives(so far!)
